Surviving the Survivor of a Crime

As much flack as we give the French, they have a mentality that is reflected in their legal system that I greatly admire and was a first-hand witness to when I visited Paris this summer. I was not the victim of a crime, but I witnessed one, yet they treated me like a victim as well, because in their legal system, seeing a crime is on the same level as being actually criminalized. Under Parisian law, I had the right to press charges. They refer to it as Le Menace.We as Americans completely disregard the survivors of the survivor. There are no pamphlets for them, and as a result that actually makes the healing process for the survivor worse because we do not acknowledge that the people around them are going through an adjustment period as well. I wish I could find a study that compares post-crime suicide rates for victims that have adequate support systems vs those who do not. I did a brief stint as a crisis counselor a few years ago, and this is what I have for those that do not know how to support a crime victim:

1. Do not act as an amateur psychiatrist. There is no cookie cutter behavior for crime victims, and not all victims sit at home catatonic in a corner with their thumbs in their mouths or spend all day sobbing and suicidal. Some go back to work the next day like it never happened, because that their way of gaining control over the situation. Each victim has their own coping mechanism, some that you may never understand.

2. Do not say "I understand what they are going through." Even if you have experienced the same type of crime, you may be able to relate to them, but you will never know exactly what they are going through, and to make such a statement trivializes the magnitude of emotions that they are experiencing.

3. Just be there for them. Whether you believe them or not, or think that they "asked for it" (which makes me question whether or not you are really their friend), the best thing you can do is help the victim feel comfortable coming to you for support.